IUI

So we had the IUI! Zack 'prepared' his 'sample' at home early in the morning and then we had to run it to the office. We thought it would be a quick and simple drop off, but it ended up being quite stressful. They made us take it into a conference room and wait for a nurse named Cheryl. Well I don't know where Cheryl was that day, but she definitely was not in that office. We waited for half an hour for someone to come help us. All we could do was sit there and freak out as we thought "THEY ARE DYING!! CAN'T THEY PUT A HUSTLE ON IT!????" As if having to go through all of this wasn't stressful enough! After they took Zack's sample to go through a washing process we went back home to eat breakfast and wait. About two hours after dropping off the sample we returned for the procedure. I got myself ready and laid on the table. The doctor came in with the sample and said we had 23 million swimmers (you need at least ten mill to do the procedure, so we were sitting pretty)! The procedure was quick and pretty much painless. Insert speculum, wipe the cervix, insert catheter through cervix to top of uterus, inseminate! I had a bit of a full bloated feeling for a few hours after, but nothing requiring medication. Compared to my HSG, this was nothing, After my HSG I was in a LOT of pain, I hardly slept the night after I had it done.

Now we wait! In a week I'll return for hormone levels, then in another week we'll find out if it was successful!

Count Down to IUI

We are now only 2 days away from the IUI procedure and this is a glimpse at my routine: 

Obviously I've jumbled some personal info there, but you get the idea. More is added on with each doctor visit, and it gets more overwhelming. We spent all Friday morning at the clinic looking at things, discussing what will happen, and preparing for Monday. I have two follicles that are looking really good, but my lining is not doing so well, so I'm on a pill for that. I'll just let you guess which "hole" that goes in. To make it even better I had to use it ASAP, and was on my way to work so I had to take it in my backseat in the Costco parking lot. Zack received his cup, and now he's just waiting for the big day ;) These things don't phase us in the slightest anymore. There's no room for shame or embarrassment when it comes to dealing with infertility tests and treatments.

I had a couple days last week where I wasn't feeling well and it really worried me that it would continue. I'd had a lot of blood taken for tests and was feeling dizzy and weak. However, once this week started I was feeling better and had a really great time teaching on the south side of town. I hope this coming week I have another great group of kids and everything will be relaxed and smooth.

After the IUI we will return in a week for some tests, and then again about another week after that for the most important test of all! So unless anything crazy happens during the IUI, this will most likely be my last post on it until we are ready to share the results (which will probably be quite some time).

I've been day dreaming about snuggling a baby, everything it would mean to have a child in our home and how our lives would change. I used to do that a lot when we first started trying to conceive, but after about 2 years I stopped because it was too painful. That's also about the time Zack stopped touching my belly and saying "bayybee?" It breaks my heart to think back on how excited Zack was, and how now it all frustrates him. We were so lucky and blessed when we got married and started our lives together. Everything was magical. We were so happy. Then we couldn't start a family and were robbed of that experience and growth we wanted to see in our lives while watching all our friends do it with ease. It has been absolutely horrific for us. We know we are still so blessed, but we can't deny the void in our lives. We try to avoid getting emotionally involved as much as possible, but it's very hard not to think about it with everything we are doing. Half of me wants to not think about babies and protect myself, and the other half wants to be free, joyful, and experience the excitements fertile people are allowed when TTC. If there's anything I want most out of this for us is to be free with our excitement, love, and appreciation if things work out. I know that will be our biggest challenge. We have been very guarded for a long time and it's hard to break that cycle.

Thank you for all your kind words, thoughts, and prayers. We greatly appreciate all your love and support. After sharing our IUI plans I was nervous and just not really sure how I felt about it, saying 'thank you' and trying to connect to the situation. This past week I took the time to read all of your comments, and discuss it in person with a few people and have felt so loved and built up. It has really touched me and has helped me open up a little to the situation. It means a lot to me, and Zack as well. So again, thank you so much! Please don't hesitate to talk to us. If you aren't sure what to say or ask sticking with "we support you and are praying for you", "how are you feeling/doing", or talking about something completely unrelated is a pretty safe bet. Just know we may not share, or we may share more than you are prepared for, so proceed with caution. :)

Trunk or Treat

You might remember when we made these...

Well we got some more use out of them! We went to our first Trunk or Treat and it was great! We wore our Martian costumes, put on some Sesame Street Halloween tunes, and decorated the truck. I think the adults loved it more than the kids, but WE loved it, and that's all that really matters. :)

In other Halloween fun I made these for work. The ladies loved them!

Babies Everywhere

It seems another surge of babies are on the way again. The holidays are coming up. It's the hardest time of year for us. 

We have been trying very hard all year to make progress, and this month we are taking a big step and doing an IUI. It's very exciting, and very scary. I'm a little stressed and quite emotional and have trouble sleeping, but I also feel removed from the situation. I'm just taking it one day at a time, which right now requires pills. Soon there will be an injection, some imaging, and then we will receive the IUI. Or should I say I will? Z has it so easy! He's ready for this, and whatever may come of it. He's my rock! So I'm super nervous for him to take his trip to Oregon right after. I'll be alone and we don't know what will happen. Unknowns are so scary, but it's all we've known for over 3 years now. We'll survive, no matter what. This isn't the end-all for us, it's just another step. We've taken a lot of small steps to get here, and bigger ones may be ahead, so we'll keep climbing. Our bank accounts may be empty, but we know our reward will be full hearts.

As I was making Chex Mix today I thought of all the times my mother would make it around the holidays. I picture her in her kitchen mixing the Chex, it smells divine, and I grab warm cereal and pretzels off the counter top and pop them in my mouth. I feel her warmth and her love for me and it puts me at peace. I dream of giving the gift of memories like this to a sweet little soul one day. I know it's what I was created to do. I know we can do this. We know we can.

6 Flags

I really wanted to go to Six Flags last weekend, but it didn't pan out, so we went this weekend! :)

Goliath

Your feet dangle and it's awesome

At the top of the Ferris Wheel

Don't let this ride fool you

Not for those with motion sickness!

I'm so excited for this!

Since this is October they have Fright Fest going on, and some stuff was out during the day.

Mayor Slayer

This was seriously freaky

Zombies!

Swamp dude

Bloody water...this ride was actually running

This girl was (understandably) freaked

Sorry this isn't roated (snapchat's fault)

On our way home we got to see some construction.

This is a major intersection and it's a year long project. They've got the underpass all torn up.

I tried to get a picture, but no go.

When we got home I finally made the Chex Mix Z had been begging for all week. :)

4 Runners

I was headed home from work, and this happened.

Me + 3 = 4!

And they were all 98's, totally crazy!

It got below 80, so we're basically freezing.

This weekend it really cooled off, so any plans of us getting out and doing anything were pretty much squashed. Instead we took the opportunity to buy some rubber. It was a big purchase we knew we couldn't put off any longer *grumble*.

Zack making his selection (after prior research, of course!)

Before

The beautiful All-Terrain tires I've had for almost 8 years had seen better days.

I will miss them!

After

Now we have pussy tires, but they're better suited for all the highway driving I'm doing for work.

They are nitrogen filled, and I don't know if it's the nitrogen or the tires themselves, but they feel so different.

They give a softer ride and I don't really like it, but I'm sure I won't notice after too long.

The cats had a great weekend since they got a box full of goodies.

Isn't he adorable?

She LOVES being outside on the balcony.

Since we had tons of time on our hands we made some cupcakes and completed another puzzle.

WitchFest: Gardner Village

Werk n' Stuff

We'll this was my first week as a traveling nutrition teacher! The week was a blur because everything moved so fast, but it was a joy! I really enjoy teaching the kids and seeing the lights come on for them. They are so eager to learn!

This week I was at Neil Armstrong Elementary. They have the cutest fence sign in front of the school. These things are everywhere here. I've never seen anything like it until we moved here. I've seen tennis balls in pedestrian bridges, but that's about it. It was quite a journey, but I enjoy driving. :) I think this job will be a great way for me to learn the town! 

On Tuesday we had a special event for work, so I was at the Botanical Gardens until nine! Because I had those extra hours, my boss told me to take Friday off. My boss is awesome!

Since I had the day off Z, Cole and I went out for a nice lunch at Perry's. It was fabulous!

Also finished the puzzle this week! Not sure which one to do next.

My first-day-teaching outfit

The adorable fence sign

I was way out near Lackland, so these giant things were flying over constantly

I made this chili before I left for work, and when I got home Z had already shredded the chicken, made corn bread, and had the dishwasher running!!!

(clearly someone was trying to get lucky, ha)

Scarecrow Festival Puzzle (sorry for the odd angle, only way I could work the flash on my phone)

Cole enjoying his first bite of Perry's Porkchop

Super yum!

:)

Socially Awkward

I shouldn't be allowed to go to social functions. I always do or say something stupid. I always swore I'd never be oblivious and do obviously stupid things, but I can't help it!

We were invited to a conference brunch and I came in and sat down and avoided speaking to anyone. It's always the same questions! "How's work?" "Oh, you're done with your bad job, right?" And it's totally the last thing I want to talk about because then you say it's going well and people are all cheery like "Oh! That's great life is going good for you! :)" Gah, no. That's so far from the truth. But no one would know that because all they ever ask me about is work. I'd love to talk about something, anything else, but I don't really know anyone well enough to actually talk about anything more than that. UGH. And then I'll say something even stupider like "So you're at home right? How's that?" I'm sure everyone I say that to HATES me. But I don't know what else to say!!!

Well after what felt like forever (but was probably only 5 minutes) we got to eat. So how do I eat? Without a fork. I didn't think there were any! I didn't know what to do....and I'm too stupid to ask, so I ate my eggs with my hands. I'm sure I looked like a total pinhead. Even better...I topped my waffle with more waffle. Ya, I used the batter. I thought it was the topping. WOW ASHLEY. In my defense, it was right next to the actual topping that looked almost identical. Who does that?

As if it could get any worse...once I finally engaged with a good conversation, I reached up to grab something from Z only to realize I hadn't shaved. My friend probably now thinks I'm a disgusting moron.

This is why I shouldn't be invited or even allowed at social functions. SIGH.

October General Conference 2014

We've had a lovely weekend watching General Conference, where we got to witness the first conference talk in a General Authority's native tongue. My favorite talk was Elder D. Todd Christofferson's! We made cinnamon rolls, sausage souffle, worked on a puzzle, went to a brunch, and I went on a run. On my run I saw a monkey in a diaper. No joke. Wish I'd gotten a picture! It was just what I needed before my job picks up big time tomorrow! Wish me luck!

October is here!

It may still be in the 90's, but it's definitely October!

I put the Halloween decorations up this weekend. However, my lights were kaput, so I purchased some new ones at Target. They are LED pumpkins. I'm not loving them as much as the traditional pumpkins, but they fit better in our windows. I put them up, plugged them in, and then Zack, Cole, and I went to see The Maze Runner at the Drafthouse. For whatever reason, I found it scary (but good), so check that off the Halloween to-do list!