Count Down to IUI

We are now only 2 days away from the IUI procedure and this is a glimpse at my routine: 

Obviously I've jumbled some personal info there, but you get the idea. More is added on with each doctor visit, and it gets more overwhelming. We spent all Friday morning at the clinic looking at things, discussing what will happen, and preparing for Monday. I have two follicles that are looking really good, but my lining is not doing so well, so I'm on a pill for that. I'll just let you guess which "hole" that goes in. To make it even better I had to use it ASAP, and was on my way to work so I had to take it in my backseat in the Costco parking lot. Zack received his cup, and now he's just waiting for the big day ;) These things don't phase us in the slightest anymore. There's no room for shame or embarrassment when it comes to dealing with infertility tests and treatments.

I had a couple days last week where I wasn't feeling well and it really worried me that it would continue. I'd had a lot of blood taken for tests and was feeling dizzy and weak. However, once this week started I was feeling better and had a really great time teaching on the south side of town. I hope this coming week I have another great group of kids and everything will be relaxed and smooth.

After the IUI we will return in a week for some tests, and then again about another week after that for the most important test of all! So unless anything crazy happens during the IUI, this will most likely be my last post on it until we are ready to share the results (which will probably be quite some time).

I've been day dreaming about snuggling a baby, everything it would mean to have a child in our home and how our lives would change. I used to do that a lot when we first started trying to conceive, but after about 2 years I stopped because it was too painful. That's also about the time Zack stopped touching my belly and saying "bayybee?" It breaks my heart to think back on how excited Zack was, and how now it all frustrates him. We were so lucky and blessed when we got married and started our lives together. Everything was magical. We were so happy. Then we couldn't start a family and were robbed of that experience and growth we wanted to see in our lives while watching all our friends do it with ease. It has been absolutely horrific for us. We know we are still so blessed, but we can't deny the void in our lives. We try to avoid getting emotionally involved as much as possible, but it's very hard not to think about it with everything we are doing. Half of me wants to not think about babies and protect myself, and the other half wants to be free, joyful, and experience the excitements fertile people are allowed when TTC. If there's anything I want most out of this for us is to be free with our excitement, love, and appreciation if things work out. I know that will be our biggest challenge. We have been very guarded for a long time and it's hard to break that cycle.

Thank you for all your kind words, thoughts, and prayers. We greatly appreciate all your love and support. After sharing our IUI plans I was nervous and just not really sure how I felt about it, saying 'thank you' and trying to connect to the situation. This past week I took the time to read all of your comments, and discuss it in person with a few people and have felt so loved and built up. It has really touched me and has helped me open up a little to the situation. It means a lot to me, and Zack as well. So again, thank you so much! Please don't hesitate to talk to us. If you aren't sure what to say or ask sticking with "we support you and are praying for you", "how are you feeling/doing", or talking about something completely unrelated is a pretty safe bet. Just know we may not share, or we may share more than you are prepared for, so proceed with caution. :)